For That Perfect Christmas: Luxury Bacon!
Nothing says “happy holidays” like a tray of bacon. The busy housewife is advised to bake for “12 or 15 minutes” while the family opens presents.
Undoubtedly said busy housewife has had her Christmas morning planned to the second. To wit:
20 Minutes: Preheat oven. Start coffee. Open Kelvinator. Look longingly at egg nog. Remove packet of luxury bacon and arrange on baking dish. Remember to remove bacon from packet. Place bacon in oven, set timer.
12 Minutes: Watch the kids tear into gifts. Wait ten minutes. Discover bacon is not done. Set timer for:
3 Minutes: Pour another cup of coffee to wash down an aspirin or six. Discover bacon is cooked to a crisp.
5 minutes: Arrange bacon lovingly on silver platter. Garnish with something wilted and green scrounged from the bottom of the Kelvinator. Look longingly at eggnog. Serve bacon.
10 minutes: Tear the kids away from the cardboard boxes. Time for breakfast, dammit!
30 seconds: Children turn up their noses at charred, cold bacon and return to the living room.
2.5 seconds: Consume the egg nog. All of it. Let the husband get his own.
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