Look What I Found Today!

Just goes to show you that today’s whippersnappers have nothing on the young’uns of yesteryear.

Nothing says “happy holidays” like a tray of bacon. The busy housewife is advised to bake for “12 or 15 minutes” while the family opens presents.

Undoubtedly said busy housewife has had her Christmas morning planned to the second. To wit:

20 Minutes: Preheat oven. Start coffee. Open Kelvinator. Look longingly at egg nog. Remove packet of luxury bacon and arrange on baking dish. Remember to remove bacon from packet. Place bacon in oven, set timer.

12 Minutes: Watch the kids tear into gifts. Wait ten minutes. Discover bacon is not done. Set timer for:

3 Minutes: Pour another cup of coffee to wash down an aspirin or six. Discover bacon is cooked to a crisp.

5 minutes: Arrange bacon lovingly on silver platter. Garnish with something wilted and green scrounged from the bottom of the Kelvinator. Look longingly at eggnog. Serve bacon.

10 minutes: Tear the kids away from the cardboard boxes. Time for breakfast, dammit!

30 seconds: Children turn up their noses at charred, cold bacon and return to the living room.

2.5 seconds: Consume the egg nog. All of it. Let the husband get his own.

(Click on the picture for a large version.)

The holidays are a perfect time to infilct your friends and family with all manner of disturbing foodstuffs.

This was billed as a fruitcake, but I suspect it’s Spock’s brain, surrounded by alien creatures.

What do YOU think it is?

This dates back from the time when Christmas card were actual post cards. I don’t have an actual date for this card, but trust me when I say the metallic gold bits still sparkle.

But man, those eyes. They follow you around the room.

Click on the picture for a larger version.

Sadly, it’s too late this year, but for next year, can we please have one year without an “innovative” ad featuring ‘Carol of the Bells?” In the name of peace on earth, goodwill towards all men, women, children, animals, fish, and fowl: Lay off the song for a year. Please. I beg of you.

What holiday retail and advertising “traditions” bug you?

That’s right, folks! You can get your very own Texas Stadium End Zone for your mansion. Now who would offer such a gift in these economic times? Neiman Marcus, of course. The package – yours for a cool half mil – also gets you a luxury suite for the final game and a post-game party with the famed Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. Owner Jerry Jones will donate the entire amount to the Salvation Army.

$500,000 a bit much for you? You can have your own framed chunk of end zone for $500.

I’m trying to decide between the motorcycle and the Irish pub, myself.

You can see the entire N-M Christmas Book on the store’s web site. Order now.